Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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