bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
