smell my finger.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
