Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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