Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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