You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
