I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
