When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
