dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
