You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
