he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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