All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
