my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
