You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
