Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
