So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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