i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
