Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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