So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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