im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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