just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
