We won't sleep together?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
