I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
did i just pee glitter
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
