id be glad to
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
