The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
