he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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