Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
