Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize