I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
