get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
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They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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