I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
