do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I've blown a few things in my day
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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