So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
