The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
