Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
