He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
