You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
