Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
