I just cut my nipple shaving
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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