Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
