pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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