as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
we should paint friendship bongs
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