Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
