ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
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This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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