2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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