Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
