My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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