I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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