im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
