I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
