When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I want her autograph on my taint
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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