You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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