i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
