you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
