Yo dont text me then not text me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
