So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
