I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
