if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it's like iHOP with fire
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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