That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
