garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
