peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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