she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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