Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
