All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
