dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
