I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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