Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
