tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
