Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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