if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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