she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
