i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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