He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize