I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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