I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
