my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he was CRYING into my vagina
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
