I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
