sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
