Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
