even my farts smell like vagina
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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